by Charles A. Monagan
Nov 23, 2011
08:27 AM
On Connecticut

Thanksgiving Rules!


As the years go by, Thanksgiving has come to occupy an increasingly large place in my heart, and in the hearts of many people I know. There is something about the simplicity of the holiday, and the purity of its message, that seems—miraculously—to have prevented it from being spoiled. Perhaps Thanksgiving's focus on humility and gratitude, and on family and loved ones, has kept the forces of crassness and commercialism at bay. Whatever the reason, it should be high on the list of things for which we ought to be giving thanks.

Speaking of lists, I have put together a starter list of a few of the many reasons why Thanksgiving is a holiday superior to all others. Please feel free to add to it as you see fit.

—Grocery stores don't play Thanksgiving music for three months leading up to the holiday in hopes of getting you to buy a bigger turkey and more cranberry sauce.

—In fact, there is no Thanksgiving music.

—There is no gaudy, overbearing, make-believe Thanksgiving character who lives with elves and knows when you've been naughty.

—People don't spend thousands of dollars to erect elaborate front-yard or rooftop Thanksgiving dioramas featuring Pilgrims and Native Americans.

—The meal is usually pretty straightforward. More turkey and potatoes, please.

—It's a long weekend, every time.

—There are no picnics or big outdoor plans, so It doesn't really matter what the weather is like.

—No one minds turning off the TV to go eat while the Lions are playing. No, not even this year.

—There are no Thanksgiving office parties.

—There are no Thanksgiving cards to speak of, nor any long, photocopied annual wrap-ups from people you barely know.

—There are no annoying toys to assemble.

—Nothing happens at midnight. You can go to sleep early if you want.

—Squanto and Thomas Bradford are not caricatured in order to sell used cars.

—There is no last-minute Thanksgiving shopping except to the grocery store.

—Egg nog is not served. Nor are green bagels.

—There are very few examples of Thanksgiving themed ties or boxer shorts.

—There are no Thanksgiving "novelty hits" by the Chipmunks or Adam Sandler or Burl Ives that get played over and over again on the radio.

—There are no tiresome Thanksgiving movies that get played hour after hour in cable-television marathons.

—There are real hugs, not awkward mistletoe kisses.

—Thanksgiving is for everyone.

Thanksgiving Rules!

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